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Boren superpower survey
| By Hailey Branson and Bekah Terry • The Oklahoma Daily | |
| Posted 9:41 p.m., Sept. 26, 2006 | E-Mail Article • Print Article • Post Comment |
Imagine that flowing red cape. The knee-high blue boots. And that suffocating spandex suit on... OU President David L. Boren?
Disturbing? Slightly.
The Daily asked 100 students at random what superpower they thought Boren would have if he were a Marvel man or a DC hero. The answers were as varied as the students.
Top Five Powers
1. Ability to Fly — The most recognizable superpower, 17 students imagined nothing more amusing than a caped Boren speeding through the air above campus.
2. Mind Reader — Having thoughts of cheating, drinking or playing pranks on your roommate? No use trying to conceal these secrets, according to 15 students; they want Boren to know all.
3. Power to Evaporate Alcohol — Eight students believed Boren would likely have some super-human help in enforcing his alcohol policy.
4. X-ray Vision — Hide those tighty whities, folks. Seven students ranked X-ray vision as Boren’s power of choice. With Evans Hall next door, there’d be no more necking in the stacks.
5. Invisibility — Anonymous sources to The Daily beware: five students voted for this one. Boren could be anywhere — gaining access to e-mails, watching everyone. He wouldn’t even need the dozens of surveillance cameras currently installed around campus.
The Daily’s Favorites
Most Creative: Super Digging Powers — This student thought the idea of boring into the earth like a mole would be the epitome of super. His title could be Boring Boren.
Most Random: Super Hopscotch Playing Powers — And you thought this game only applied to 10-year-old girls with pigtails.
Cutest: Ability to Bounce Really High — Can you say T-I-double Guh-Er?
Most Disturbing: Able to Shoot Shotgun Shells Out His Eyes at Ducks — A new form of hunting... or simple bitterness toward Oregon? Just make sure not to waddle when you walk — or wear green.
Silliest: Shoot Spaghetti from Fingertips — This Dane Cook joke was not lost on one student. Let’s just say it’s a good way to pay back those “rude” people. No one wants spaghetti on their clothes.
Best Transformation: Transforming into Hot Lava — Imagine Boren flowing past you as hot, steaming liquid. Enough said.
Most Risque: Attracting Women — Boren’s powerful field of attraction would send co-eds flying out of their heels, across campus and into the first floor of Evans Hall.
Best Cause: Ending AIDS — A noble idea in the midst of random jokes.
Pig-skin Dreams: Giving the Heisman to Adrian Peterson, changing the scoreboard at will and performing voo-doo on bad referees were all listed as football-supporting superpowers.
Longest: Super Stretch Capabilities — You remember playing with Stretch Armstrong. Now imagine Boren being able to put his arms around an entire freshman class.
Most Fiscal: Magnetically Attracting Change out of Pockets for OU’s Treasury — Wait, he doesn’t already have that power?
Disturbing? Slightly.
The Daily asked 100 students at random what superpower they thought Boren would have if he were a Marvel man or a DC hero. The answers were as varied as the students.
Top Five Powers
1. Ability to Fly — The most recognizable superpower, 17 students imagined nothing more amusing than a caped Boren speeding through the air above campus.
2. Mind Reader — Having thoughts of cheating, drinking or playing pranks on your roommate? No use trying to conceal these secrets, according to 15 students; they want Boren to know all.
3. Power to Evaporate Alcohol — Eight students believed Boren would likely have some super-human help in enforcing his alcohol policy.
4. X-ray Vision — Hide those tighty whities, folks. Seven students ranked X-ray vision as Boren’s power of choice. With Evans Hall next door, there’d be no more necking in the stacks.
5. Invisibility — Anonymous sources to The Daily beware: five students voted for this one. Boren could be anywhere — gaining access to e-mails, watching everyone. He wouldn’t even need the dozens of surveillance cameras currently installed around campus.
The Daily’s Favorites
Most Creative: Super Digging Powers — This student thought the idea of boring into the earth like a mole would be the epitome of super. His title could be Boring Boren.
Most Random: Super Hopscotch Playing Powers — And you thought this game only applied to 10-year-old girls with pigtails.
Cutest: Ability to Bounce Really High — Can you say T-I-double Guh-Er?
Most Disturbing: Able to Shoot Shotgun Shells Out His Eyes at Ducks — A new form of hunting... or simple bitterness toward Oregon? Just make sure not to waddle when you walk — or wear green.
Silliest: Shoot Spaghetti from Fingertips — This Dane Cook joke was not lost on one student. Let’s just say it’s a good way to pay back those “rude” people. No one wants spaghetti on their clothes.
Best Transformation: Transforming into Hot Lava — Imagine Boren flowing past you as hot, steaming liquid. Enough said.
Most Risque: Attracting Women — Boren’s powerful field of attraction would send co-eds flying out of their heels, across campus and into the first floor of Evans Hall.
Best Cause: Ending AIDS — A noble idea in the midst of random jokes.
Pig-skin Dreams: Giving the Heisman to Adrian Peterson, changing the scoreboard at will and performing voo-doo on bad referees were all listed as football-supporting superpowers.
Longest: Super Stretch Capabilities — You remember playing with Stretch Armstrong. Now imagine Boren being able to put his arms around an entire freshman class.
Most Fiscal: Magnetically Attracting Change out of Pockets for OU’s Treasury — Wait, he doesn’t already have that power?
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